You are my Fetish!

So in my GSA we had a interesting conversation about…Kink and bears.

If you don’t know who bears are they are big hairy men in the GLBT community, who want to debunk the myth that all gay men are tiny and feminine. I have to admit that a lot of people think that gay guys have awesome fashion sense, say “hey girl!” all the time and are small and feminine.(even me sometimes) But that’s not true, we have to remember that anyone can be gay, and not look like the stereotypical Dyke and gay man. So we talked a bit about them then we went to the interesting part.

Kink.

Now I’m going to make a small confession…. I like kink.

I really do, I like being submissive and dong role play. It’s what excites me and makes me happy. Now I don’t like needles, hooks and all those other things I would consider extreme but I do like dominating woman..it’s just something about them that attracts me to them. Also let’s not forget the leather and latex..yum.

Anyway we talked about how BDSM is diffrent from abuse and just what types of kink we like. lot of people seemed to shy to speak out, myself included and only a few spoke out. One of my friends, the pres, a girl who was weary of being tied up and blindfolded and another girl who was a freshman who liked being in control. As you can see most of these people are what you could call a dominate. So I felt a little overwhelmed and out matched.

I mean I’m one of the 5 black girls in the club and I didn’t want to make it worse by saying “Hey I love dom girls who handcuff me!” ya know so, I kept silent.

Afterwards I talked with my friend who was brave enough to speak out and told her about how nervous I was about it. She agreed that it’s weird telling your fantasies to a group of strangers , but their might have been someone else who felt the same way I felt. She was right I could have found someone else who shared in my interest and formed a bond. Now I will never know.

But still it gave me hope since there are so many dominate girls this femme might find someone after all. *wink*

Fresh life

Hello there again…

Yes I am a very naughty girl for not posting in a…*looks at a calendar* month.

Yes you may spank me. Sorry. Life got hard and well…let me explain by going on from where I left off.

The freshmen.

They are a pretty wild bunch. But are also pretty damn…gay.LOL.

They really are much so than my class which most of them was sexually free and accepting while a good chunk was homophobic, highly religious and just bitches that hated anything and everyone connected to the school. Those people transferred out(thank God) ,and now we have a pretty solid class now. Everyone knows each other and we can tolerate each other…to an extent.

Anyway some of the freshmen over all seem like a cool bunch, they just get really drunk and loud and pass out in awkward places..

How do I know this?

Well in the beginning of the year the Artsy/hippy people threw a pretty rowdy bash, with drinks galore going around. Now I don’t drink but I get really laid back at the artsy parties and people I assume I drink because I drink from a red cup…its sprite!

But I degrees, The freshman drank if they were starving, I don’t know if it’s because they wanted to seem cool or they are really drunks but the point is the next day they were all sprawled out in the hippy house and in my dorm…great. And the bathroom was messed up with all the throw up. Wonderful. And that’s basically how’s it’s been every weekend so far.

I wake up to use the bathroom and bam! Someone missed the mark on the toilet Add in the increase boys on campus which I highly disapprove of ,there has been some issues. But it’s been okay overall. I mean it could be worse.

Anyway I’ve been busy, with taking harder classes this year so I can complete my major qualification and my minor. I’ve been looking for an GLBT magazine internship(which I got), and I’ve been trying to keep up with all my club functions. So I’ve been stretched thin, but know I can finally get back on the blogging board! Now excuse me while I check out my blog friends who I’ve missed greatly..

Part one:Getting there

College..how I missed thee so bloody much. But ya’ll don’t want that ya’ll want the juicy details of what’s been happening. So let me start in the beginning….

Sadly since my Dad is gone, it was just us girls trying to fit all my junk in the car. And let me tell you it was hard..

Since my two little sisters really could only carry my small bags. It was up to me the second oldest sis and my mother to organize everything. And well it didn’t go so well, It took us the until 11AM to organize everything and get on the road…we were suppose to leave at 7AM.

I was kind of sad that my Dad didn’t get to call me , but I understood that overseas phones can be tricky.

 

Anyway it was a girl power trip as we went to my college which is in fact a women college.LOL. Me and my mom talked a bit about life and my plans for what to do this year. She knows I’m in the feminist power thing and she also knows that I’m a gay supporter, I still don’t know If she knows I’m gay or not.

I told her that I planned to be more involved with my clubs so I can me more “open” to trying new things and just be open to new friends. I somewhat shy around cute people so it takes be a while to stop gawking at them and actually do something like talking. I also plan on doing some internships out of state so I can get some experience and go Abroad to London for a semester. So I’m going to be a busy little femme.

So on to my school! We arrived kind of late  so no one was around to hug but we were too distracted by anything because we again had to carry all my crap on the third floor of my dorm. Which by the way has no freaking elevator!

So me and my mom where hauling ass to get my fridge upstairs. Then when we got in my room. I found out it’s pretty darn small , and practically stuffed my fridge in a corner. After the little incident we unpacked the rest of my things and that went a lot smoother than I thought.

After my mom left promising she would have one last goodbye tomorrow which basically means photos for dad, I talked with my new roomie. She’s not half bad I kinda know here and she seems cool buttt…who knows. Maybe we’ll make it through the year without killing each other.

The next day the Freshman weren’t here so it was just like old like old times. My Mom came back just as I was greeting my friends happily with gay screaming and “oh my Gods”. My moms eyes glint when she saw this and demanded a pic, which all my friends happily gave while I whined. Pretty normal behavior here.

When it was time for my family to leave my Mom sniffled and my two youngest sisters hugged and cried. The other on practically ignored me which hurt, but I chalked it up to hormones.

So that’s the end of part one. In Part two you meet the Freshmen!! Duh duh duuunn!

To tide you over…

I bet you all wanna know what happened at the party, classses and skater…..

Well…

Your gonna have to wait till I’m done with homework..to tide you over heres a fail vid.

Getting ready for College..Again!

So today I was getting ready to go back to school  by repacking everything that I had brought with me last time when i noticed something. I was missing some clothing and facial stuff. Think I just misplaced the stuff and will find it when I’m packing, I decided to take a quick peek at what classes I’m tacking which are:

Math 105-really hate math but it’s required..

Video production-I’m kinda excited for this class, I just hope I don’t have to lug a huge camera around.

Spanish-really don’t want to take a language…I have a short memory span.But again it’s required.

Gay rights-I can’t wait for this class! I’m really excited. *grins*

Anyway overall I am happy that I got into all my classes, I’m just not happy I have to do all the boring stuff.I’m not so happy that my books are going to be a bloody 300 bucks..ugggh. I need to find some place that has them cheaper but anyway back to my story.

After i was done with most of my packing some of my clothing and facial stuff was still! So I checked the laundry room, all the bathrooms and even the closets.. Nada.

Thinking I may have gone crazy I went in the younger sister room and what to I find on the bed. All my facial stuff on her face….and almost all of it empty. And add to the fact she has my missing clothing all over her floor, I did what ny normal big sister would do.

I freak out.

I start yelling at her and she is yelling back that it’s hers and what not and we get into an arugument. Now one thing to know is the little sister that I’m yelling at right now is the second oldest and is in her last year of middle school.Sooo I’m not yelling at a baby.

Anyway…

My Mom hears all the commotion and comes up stairs to see what the bleep is going on. She took one look at her face and my Mom hits the roof and freaks. My sister is crying about this being like slavery and then that just opens the flood gates….

After the family tiff I got most of my stuf and clothing back but had to throw most of it away because it was ruined…grrr.

But on the plus side my mom is taking me shopping for all the stuff so yeah new clothing!

Anyway as I preaparing to go back to my lovely school I promised myself that I will be more forward in groups that I am in rather than just stand back and watch.I also I will try to dance next to the girl I like….just dance.

Out of the hole….into the light!

Yes! It is I PBD and I have come back from the comatose state of depression…mixed with a bit of whiny and major bitching.

I guess I was so use to my Dad of just being there that I guess I never really appreciated him , but just kind of you know did the teenage thing of being bratty. But that’s going to change. I’ll try talking to him and my mother more often and maybe I’ll come out to them before I graduate from college. Though I would like to have a girlfriend when I come out buuut… *shrugs* Who known’s but I am going to come out to them….after I try to educate them about GLBTQQA people.

Anyway what got me out of my major slump was an kind e-mail. This  gal really talked about how we’re both similar and is so happy to find someone like me! I have to admit I was flattered to know I was kind of helping someone in my own weird way. So thus the inspiration to write again was born. (It was an added bonuses that I got a phone call from my daddy. J I’m such a daddy’s girl.)

So now you know what my state is .I’m going back to school on Monday, and I’m just uber excited to go back to my lovely all girls school. Ahh..

I miss my daddy…

Hi there…yeah I know I’m a bad bad girl for not posting what’s been going on but I have a good reason… it’s about my dad.

He’s gone.

And when I mean gone I mean he’s on tour with the navy and will be gone for six months which makes me pissy.

Then add to the fact we had to be stuck in some unknown place in the middle of nowhere while my dad was doing some last minute command stuff and the families had to go through more training. You know making sure we don’t reveal national secretes even though we don’t know shit.

And add to the fact that the navy wives got really bitchy with each other and the kids , I was a very cranky girl.

And maybe a small part of me was angry at the army for taking my daddy away , even if it’s only for a couple of months I still don’t want  to take  the chance .

I miss my daddy.

Top 100 hottest butches!

OMG I just came upon this list by one of the leading blogging butches… Sinclair Sexsmith yummy.

Anyway it says it’s the top 100 Butches , and well..here’s the about.

“Top Hot Butches, a project by Sinclair Sexsmith, celebrates the wide range of diversity of butch, masculine, androgynous, gender queer, transmasculine, studs, AGs, dykes, queers, and transguys, while calling attention to some of the powerful activism, culture, and communities that we are creating. And, to look at photos of hotties.”

Now I will admit I don’t know a lot about the trans community. The only fact that I know is that they feel they are in the wrong body. But there was a lot of hubbub over the fact that she wouldn’t (at first) add trans guys. Then she changed her mind and included them.

My question is that fair?

I was always under the impression that Butch and all the other different words under that umbrella, is a masculine indentified women.

And isn’t trans guys women who want to become men? Once they become men do they lose  what is mostly a lesbian term? Or is it something else? I hope I haven’t offended anyone but I would love an explanation…

Anyway here is the top 5 Hottest butches…and look who’s on number one! My baby!

1. Rachel Maddow

Photo: Vogue Magazine

Ah, Dr. Maddow: in the past six months she has put butch chic in the New York Times Magazine, made geek sexy, and made people everywhere wish we were a cocktail shaker. I won’t even go into the whole Rhodes Scholar, PhD, amateur mixologist details – it’s enough to give me a major do-be-do-be complex.

Some of us may have known her radio show on Air America, but liberals and progressives worldwide tuned in to her election coverage on The Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC last fall. She became the most popular show in her time slot, and for the first time I personally related to a political pundit show, which I manage to watch even though I don’t have cable television, because MSNBC is brilliant enough to reproduce the entire thing via video podcast. My morning commute is much better with some butch political commentary.

Despite her slightly glammed-up look on her show, her numerous appearances on the talk show circuit and in magazines shows her unapologetically masculine, and she has in fact self-identified as butch.

That Maddow is sexy is undeniable, and so common in queer circles that a certain butch I know created the Maddow Widowers’ Support Group, joking that our partners would, in a heartbeat, leave us for Maddow.

Despite that: thank you, Dr. Maddow, for all you’re doing for queer visibility, for butch visibility, and for political commentary.

#1, with a bullet, Rachel Maddow.

RachelMaddow.com | Rachel.MSNBC.com | AirAmerica.com | @Maddow

2. Skyler Cooper

You may not have heard of Skyler Cooper, a personal trainer (obviously! those arms!) and actor now living in California, originally from New York. Her bio says her first acting gig was a performance art piece called “Butch Love,” and she’s been acting ever since.

Recently, Cooper was featured in Debra Wilson’s award-winning documentary “Butch Mystique,” and she was cast in Amber Sharp’s television series Don’t Go – the trailer looks really appealing, but the blog hasn’t been updated since late 2007, and it seems likely that the series never found a home. But she’s also in JengoTV’s original series First Take, which follows her life as a butch-identified actor.

From an interview with Jasmyne Cannick, Cooper says: “I love butch women for what they represent. Unfortunately, I believe butch woman have not been properly understood. There are hordes of stereotypes about them in the media and our communities that don’t represent what I call butch. With that said, this is what I love about butch women: they have a natural marrying of masculinity and femininity in a woman’s body. It’s the essence of the two genders carried by a woman. It’s spectacular to see. A pure anomaly of nature. … For the record though I am a serial fem dater. Sorry butchies[!]”

I bet we’ll be seeing a lot more of Skyler Cooper in the future.

IMDB | Don’t Go | First Take on JengoTV

3. Chris Pureka

Folk singer-songwriter Chris Pureka is making the rounds in queer communities lately, and clearly we love her. Her music is not outspokenly queer, but rather deals with the complex poetry of describing interpersonal emotional landscapes and relationships. Pureka is the founder of her label, Sad Rabbit Music, and she has a degree in biology. Recently, she’s been touring with violinist Lyndell Montgomery (#21), and Pureka’s new album Chimera came out in January 2009.

In an interview from Off Our Backs in 2005, Pureka identifies as genderqueer, and feminist. Her sexy crooning voice, complex lyrics, and sweet guitar just add to her comfortably andro look. If you have a chance to see her in concert, jump at it – she’s fantastic.

ChrisPureka.com | @ChrisPureka | MySpace | CDBaby

4. Shine Louise Houston

If you think the only lesbian porn out there is made for straight men, you’re just wrong: Shine Louise Houston has single-handedly changed porn with her film company Pink & White Productions, home of The Crash Pad Series, Champion, Superfreak, and In Search of the Wild Kingdom.

With her record button poised and camera aimed at the heart of San Francisco’s hottest queer porn stars, amateurs, and daring exhibitionist couples, Houston portrays real dirty queer sex with such a wide variety of gender expression, identity, body type, sex technique, and toys.

Her work will change your sex life.

Pink & White Productions | The Crash Pad Series | Champion | @ShineLouise

5. Butchlalis de Panochtitlan

Butchlalis de Panochtitlan is Mari Garcia, Raquel Gutierrez and Claudia Rodriguez, a Chicano performance group out of Los Angeles. Come for their hot suits and butch attire, stay for their critical commentary on racism, classism, and urban development. From one of their show descriptions: “The self-described butch dykes/transgender butches/genderqueer spoken-word entertainers expand the lexicon of transexuality and its attendant physical and psychological neighborhoods and communities.”

They have performances coming up in San Francisco on June 25th and 26th, 2009, at 9pm:

The FURY factory presents Butchlalis de Panochtitlan in THE BARBER OF EAST L.A. a story about queer Latinos living in Eastside neighborhoods. Butchlalis is a trio that has emerged from community based activist spaces of Los Angeles. This project enabled them to collaborate with acclaimed playwright, director, and MacArthur Genius Fellow, Luis Alfaro and visual artist and activist Hector Silva.

Performances are Fri-Sat. Jun 19-20 @ 7pm; June 25-26 @ 9pm at TJT (470 Florida Street @ 17th Street, SF)

Box office: (800) 838-3006

More information about the show on indybay.org or at the venue’s website, Foolsfury.org.

Myspace.com/butchlalis

Who knew?

So…yeah missed me? ..no?

Sorry but it wasn’t my fault I have a ton of post on my computer but I wasn’t able to post it because: 1.WordPress wouldn’t let me on for some reason then when it did it would freeze up.

2. I’ve been playing doctor go round. Seems like one of my docs forgot that this one med isn’t suppose to mix with another and well let’s just say I was pretty darn lucky.

After I recuperate,  I needed to  indulge myself…well actually I just guilt tripped my parents into giving me some shopping money.

After getting a cute dress and shoes I went to the bookstore to relax and also look for a Jennifer Fulton book to buy.

Sadly they didn’t have any of her books so I just got a ton of lesbian books and was trying to figure out which ones to buy when the smell of coffee hit me, and I got kind of a crazy idea.( I blame dawg). After I got the books I wanted I went up to the coffee girl and smile at her while getting out  a hi.

CG:how may I help you?

Me: Umm I was wondering if you can help me with something..it’s kind of embarrassing….

CG: ummm I’ll try?

Me: Well you I kind of need to practice flirting and I can’t test it out on my friends because the would really try and I can’t do with a stranger because they might scream pervert..so since I kind of know you I was wondering if I can practice on you?

I was getting ready for her to freak out but she didn’t…she squealed.

CG:Omg this is fucking awesome!

Me:huh?

CG: Well I never really been hit on by a girl..I think but this is way flattering. My best friend, who is a gay boy by the way will not believe this!

Me. Okaaay…

CG: Okay wait a sec.

She shook out her brown hair and then  batted her  eyes at me

CG: Okay I’m ready.

I couldn’t help but wonder if I was in a bloody dream.., but I knew that damn it I needed to practice.

 

So I tried complimenting her outfit and telling her the food was great , until she stopped me saying that it’s not translating in to flirting just complements.

CG: You have to complement on my body and you know touch my hand and… here let me show you.

So she touched my hand talking about how pretty my eyes are and started rubbing my hand.

As I stuttered out a thank you  ,couldn’t  but think about how she knows a lot about flirting with girls…

 

So what did I learn?  That I think I’m a little better with flirting than I was earlier this year. Also that girls who say they are  straight   may know more about girls than lesbians..who knew!

He’s gone…really?

The King of pop is dead.

It’s kind of weird and I don’t really think it really hit me. It weird, he has been such a part of the American community, especially the black community and now he’s gone. I think we kind of took him for granted really. I think we like to joke on him so much we forget that if it wasn’t for him we’ll have almost no black artist on MTV at all. He also really set the standard for music videos for having a plot and be like a mini movie..(Well actually most of his music videos were movies being 14 minutes long…) anyway he is awesome singer and performer and will be greatly missed.

What got me upset is how the media is just..Doing a number on him. I know the man wasn’t perfect but the man just died and they just acting like damn fools. Seriously have some more class.

The man ain’t even in his grave and the fighting for rights over him. People think the man was broke but I know he was supporting himself, he may be a little crazy but I don’t really think he’s THAT crazy ,so I think we’ll see later on..The man ain’t broke. But that just my belief. But we will see.

Also I was wondering if he was taken too soon and if his doctor had anything to do with that. The family is getting a second autopsy to find if he was take too soon or was helped along the way. I have a feeling he dose also add to the fact that the man lawyer up pretty damn fast.

But my mom always said was done in the dark will always come to light….