PBD is going to NYC!

Hell to the yes! I’m super excited! (If you can’t already tell.)

The reason I’m going to NYC is because I got approved for a month-long internship for a magazine up there. I super excited because isn’t NYC supposes to be brimming with lesbians?

Maybe I’ll catch the eye of a cute boi while I’m up there. *wink*

The down side of all of this is that my mom is worried that this internship will bite me in the butt later in life. Because  it’s a gay mens mag.

(Remember my mom doesn’t know about me she thinks I’m a weird non sexual girl,  and that is fine by her.)

Add to the fact my dad doesn’t know what type of mag it is and my mom hinted that he will blow his top…crap.

But I’m positive about my journey.I’m going to hopefully learn a lot from this job and will get explore the city while checking out th gay scene!

*Gasp* Maybe I might even go to a play part and see sinclar sexsmith! *swoon*

Any tips on where I should hit?Remember though I’m only 19..LOL.

Princess and the Frog

Sqeee!! I’m soo excited!

I mean it’s the first black princess from Disney!(One of the few black people Disney can say proudly they made)

I mean really how many black people have you seen in Disney movies? Even when you would think that there would be a few in there. But I won’t get into that.(Even though I really want to get into that but, that’s another post…)

I’m trying really hard to put the Communication’s Major in the back seat as I hear more and more about this movie.Like the princess.

First there was problems with her name, because the first name was too black. WTF? Her name was Maddy then it get’s it change to Tatiana…Sooo basically you want a black princess who isn’t black? or too black? uggh.

Then you have the prince. First there was an outcry because he was white when the pics of him first came out ,then when the movie was delayed and you saw the new pics of him he got darker.

Still he’s not “black”.This brings the question.Why can’t we have a black prince? I mean  I know interracial dating  is great and all but why this movie? In all the other movies the princess and the princes was of the same ” race”.Why is this any different? Some people think they are trying to appease the Latino community because they are always represented in Disney as animals, specifically chihuahuas.

This really is kinda sad. We get are black princess but not a black prince. What type of message will that send young lack children when they see it?

But still I’m not going to look at it through a Comm Major eye’s. Promise.

 

 

Young femme invisibility

 

While browsing the blogosphere, I noticed all the talk about femme invisibility. SugarButch and the nice blogger from can I help you sir?

Some say that of course there is no such thing of that! We see you, cause were dating you! Or something to that degree. But I have to agree.

I’m pretty damn invisible.

I mean most gay girls over look me and just keep walking right into the arms of the cute dyke who screams gay. I mean, fine you don’t like me that way but at lest acknowledge me as a freaking lesbian at the GSA meetings.

It’s hard enough being one of the two black girls at the meetings, but must you ignore me as well? At every meeting do  I have remind you I’m a lesbian by saying” I’m a real lesbian!” every time?

I really don’t want to change who I am just so I can have cute Boi’s walk up to me and acknowledge that I’m alive. I don’t want to cut my hair ,get a gay tattoo, buy men’s clothing and buy a bunch of gay  shirt’s that are obscene.

That’s just not me.

I’m a laid back girl who dose prefers her apple bottom jeans and sneakers. But can work a dress and high heels like nobody’s business.So why should I change who I am just prove to people I’m gay?

I mean, I”m attracted to the masculine side of the lesbian/Queer spectrum just because I’m attracted to them and what they seem to bring out in me. Every time I’m around them it makes my heart beat a little faster and just brings a big old geeky smile to my face.

Maybe it’s because I go to college in a small town and can’t go to any of the clubs because I’m 19. Or maybe it’s because sadly, I live in a not so thriving part of the south that dosen’t have a lot of young lesbians. We have  lots of lesbians here but none who are my age.

So I guess I’m just sick and tired of being ignored and laughed off when I say I’m a lesbian. It really hurts me that I’m being ignored as part of the lesbian community just because I don’t scream “gay” the way they want me to scream gay.

And you know what, that’s BS.

I shouldn’t have to prove I’m gay just because I don’t look like the stereotypical “lesbian”.

So this  a plea from a young baby femme, next time you see a  femme girl walk into the GSA and come out to people in the club, don’t laugh. Just give a small smil and say” Hi there”.

 

 

Lesbian cartoons

So me and my friends were arguing about who the sexiest women are….that are cartoons. Yes were lame and yes, we have weird obssions.But damn it this is serious! I mean my first crush was cartoon and it was…

Yes Sailor Mars.I mean I do have a thing for hot women.:) But not only that she was self assured,kick ass and was loyal to the end.The other  hot mama we were  debating was,

What can I say? I have a thing for sexy redheads who will kick ass for you.If you have noticed so far all these women will be way taller than me and I’m okay with that.LOL next up we have..

Oh storm.The first black charcher in comics and one of the strogest females in the comic world.How coulde we  not love you?Plus check the white hair,sexy! I bet we would make electricty together…hehe and one of my new personal faves…

This is the new question.The very sexy lesbian question. Yup you heard right folks. We have a gay crime fighter who’s a lesbian hot and is not sexualy confused!Amen! She doesn’t have her own series but who cares! she’s in alot of comics and has one called the crime bible!Another lesbian herioen is…

Yes we got batwomen too! ?*does dance* She’s kick ass, pretty and went out with the question!She also is a great detective so get ready batman an new gal has come to town.But she a series of her own and it’s pretty go…go get it! support GLBT books!

Anyway the point is, I find these people to be sexy, who is yours? gowan I dare yah to make a post on this. I dare ya!

You are my Fetish!

So in my GSA we had a interesting conversation about…Kink and bears.

If you don’t know who bears are they are big hairy men in the GLBT community, who want to debunk the myth that all gay men are tiny and feminine. I have to admit that a lot of people think that gay guys have awesome fashion sense, say “hey girl!” all the time and are small and feminine.(even me sometimes) But that’s not true, we have to remember that anyone can be gay, and not look like the stereotypical Dyke and gay man. So we talked a bit about them then we went to the interesting part.

Kink.

Now I’m going to make a small confession…. I like kink.

I really do, I like being submissive and dong role play. It’s what excites me and makes me happy. Now I don’t like needles, hooks and all those other things I would consider extreme but I do like dominating woman..it’s just something about them that attracts me to them. Also let’s not forget the leather and latex..yum.

Anyway we talked about how BDSM is diffrent from abuse and just what types of kink we like. lot of people seemed to shy to speak out, myself included and only a few spoke out. One of my friends, the pres, a girl who was weary of being tied up and blindfolded and another girl who was a freshman who liked being in control. As you can see most of these people are what you could call a dominate. So I felt a little overwhelmed and out matched.

I mean I’m one of the 5 black girls in the club and I didn’t want to make it worse by saying “Hey I love dom girls who handcuff me!” ya know so, I kept silent.

Afterwards I talked with my friend who was brave enough to speak out and told her about how nervous I was about it. She agreed that it’s weird telling your fantasies to a group of strangers , but their might have been someone else who felt the same way I felt. She was right I could have found someone else who shared in my interest and formed a bond. Now I will never know.

But still it gave me hope since there are so many dominate girls this femme might find someone after all. *wink*

Fresh life

Hello there again…

Yes I am a very naughty girl for not posting in a…*looks at a calendar* month.

Yes you may spank me. Sorry. Life got hard and well…let me explain by going on from where I left off.

The freshmen.

They are a pretty wild bunch. But are also pretty damn…gay.LOL.

They really are much so than my class which most of them was sexually free and accepting while a good chunk was homophobic, highly religious and just bitches that hated anything and everyone connected to the school. Those people transferred out(thank God) ,and now we have a pretty solid class now. Everyone knows each other and we can tolerate each other…to an extent.

Anyway some of the freshmen over all seem like a cool bunch, they just get really drunk and loud and pass out in awkward places..

How do I know this?

Well in the beginning of the year the Artsy/hippy people threw a pretty rowdy bash, with drinks galore going around. Now I don’t drink but I get really laid back at the artsy parties and people I assume I drink because I drink from a red cup…its sprite!

But I degrees, The freshman drank if they were starving, I don’t know if it’s because they wanted to seem cool or they are really drunks but the point is the next day they were all sprawled out in the hippy house and in my dorm…great. And the bathroom was messed up with all the throw up. Wonderful. And that’s basically how’s it’s been every weekend so far.

I wake up to use the bathroom and bam! Someone missed the mark on the toilet Add in the increase boys on campus which I highly disapprove of ,there has been some issues. But it’s been okay overall. I mean it could be worse.

Anyway I’ve been busy, with taking harder classes this year so I can complete my major qualification and my minor. I’ve been looking for an GLBT magazine internship(which I got), and I’ve been trying to keep up with all my club functions. So I’ve been stretched thin, but know I can finally get back on the blogging board! Now excuse me while I check out my blog friends who I’ve missed greatly..

Part one:Getting there

College..how I missed thee so bloody much. But ya’ll don’t want that ya’ll want the juicy details of what’s been happening. So let me start in the beginning….

Sadly since my Dad is gone, it was just us girls trying to fit all my junk in the car. And let me tell you it was hard..

Since my two little sisters really could only carry my small bags. It was up to me the second oldest sis and my mother to organize everything. And well it didn’t go so well, It took us the until 11AM to organize everything and get on the road…we were suppose to leave at 7AM.

I was kind of sad that my Dad didn’t get to call me , but I understood that overseas phones can be tricky.

 

Anyway it was a girl power trip as we went to my college which is in fact a women college.LOL. Me and my mom talked a bit about life and my plans for what to do this year. She knows I’m in the feminist power thing and she also knows that I’m a gay supporter, I still don’t know If she knows I’m gay or not.

I told her that I planned to be more involved with my clubs so I can me more “open” to trying new things and just be open to new friends. I somewhat shy around cute people so it takes be a while to stop gawking at them and actually do something like talking. I also plan on doing some internships out of state so I can get some experience and go Abroad to London for a semester. So I’m going to be a busy little femme.

So on to my school! We arrived kind of late  so no one was around to hug but we were too distracted by anything because we again had to carry all my crap on the third floor of my dorm. Which by the way has no freaking elevator!

So me and my mom where hauling ass to get my fridge upstairs. Then when we got in my room. I found out it’s pretty darn small , and practically stuffed my fridge in a corner. After the little incident we unpacked the rest of my things and that went a lot smoother than I thought.

After my mom left promising she would have one last goodbye tomorrow which basically means photos for dad, I talked with my new roomie. She’s not half bad I kinda know here and she seems cool buttt…who knows. Maybe we’ll make it through the year without killing each other.

The next day the Freshman weren’t here so it was just like old like old times. My Mom came back just as I was greeting my friends happily with gay screaming and “oh my Gods”. My moms eyes glint when she saw this and demanded a pic, which all my friends happily gave while I whined. Pretty normal behavior here.

When it was time for my family to leave my Mom sniffled and my two youngest sisters hugged and cried. The other on practically ignored me which hurt, but I chalked it up to hormones.

So that’s the end of part one. In Part two you meet the Freshmen!! Duh duh duuunn!

To tide you over…

I bet you all wanna know what happened at the party, classses and skater…..

Well…

Your gonna have to wait till I’m done with homework..to tide you over heres a fail vid.

Getting ready for College..Again!

So today I was getting ready to go back to school  by repacking everything that I had brought with me last time when i noticed something. I was missing some clothing and facial stuff. Think I just misplaced the stuff and will find it when I’m packing, I decided to take a quick peek at what classes I’m tacking which are:

Math 105-really hate math but it’s required..

Video production-I’m kinda excited for this class, I just hope I don’t have to lug a huge camera around.

Spanish-really don’t want to take a language…I have a short memory span.But again it’s required.

Gay rights-I can’t wait for this class! I’m really excited. *grins*

Anyway overall I am happy that I got into all my classes, I’m just not happy I have to do all the boring stuff.I’m not so happy that my books are going to be a bloody 300 bucks..ugggh. I need to find some place that has them cheaper but anyway back to my story.

After i was done with most of my packing some of my clothing and facial stuff was still! So I checked the laundry room, all the bathrooms and even the closets.. Nada.

Thinking I may have gone crazy I went in the younger sister room and what to I find on the bed. All my facial stuff on her face….and almost all of it empty. And add to the fact she has my missing clothing all over her floor, I did what ny normal big sister would do.

I freak out.

I start yelling at her and she is yelling back that it’s hers and what not and we get into an arugument. Now one thing to know is the little sister that I’m yelling at right now is the second oldest and is in her last year of middle school.Sooo I’m not yelling at a baby.

Anyway…

My Mom hears all the commotion and comes up stairs to see what the bleep is going on. She took one look at her face and my Mom hits the roof and freaks. My sister is crying about this being like slavery and then that just opens the flood gates….

After the family tiff I got most of my stuf and clothing back but had to throw most of it away because it was ruined…grrr.

But on the plus side my mom is taking me shopping for all the stuff so yeah new clothing!

Anyway as I preaparing to go back to my lovely school I promised myself that I will be more forward in groups that I am in rather than just stand back and watch.I also I will try to dance next to the girl I like….just dance.

Out of the hole….into the light!

Yes! It is I PBD and I have come back from the comatose state of depression…mixed with a bit of whiny and major bitching.

I guess I was so use to my Dad of just being there that I guess I never really appreciated him , but just kind of you know did the teenage thing of being bratty. But that’s going to change. I’ll try talking to him and my mother more often and maybe I’ll come out to them before I graduate from college. Though I would like to have a girlfriend when I come out buuut… *shrugs* Who known’s but I am going to come out to them….after I try to educate them about GLBTQQA people.

Anyway what got me out of my major slump was an kind e-mail. This  gal really talked about how we’re both similar and is so happy to find someone like me! I have to admit I was flattered to know I was kind of helping someone in my own weird way. So thus the inspiration to write again was born. (It was an added bonuses that I got a phone call from my daddy. J I’m such a daddy’s girl.)

So now you know what my state is .I’m going back to school on Monday, and I’m just uber excited to go back to my lovely all girls school. Ahh..